36 Hours in Berlin

After your train from Berlin Brandenburg Airport has inevitably been delayed or cancelled, courtesy of the famously unreliable Deutsche Bahn, it will probably be dark by the time you arrive at your accommodation. 

With your pre-conceived notion of German efficiency shattered, head to an ATM. Berlin’s approach to payment seems trapped somewhere in the late 1970s – it wouldn’t surprise me if some restaurants still operate a barter economy.

The other thing to note about Berlin is that it exists outside normal time constraints. Days and nights, weekdays and weekends — they all blend into one. This is most obvious to anyone who has been on one of the city’s Monday-morning commuter services: a mix of bespectacled tax advisers on the way to the office and teenagers on massive comedowns. For this reason, I’ve decided to break from the norm in this column and haven’t compartmentalised my itinerary into neat time slots. 

Line your stomach for a night of moderate-to-heavy drinking at one of the city’s fast-food establishments. Rüyyam’s Gemüse Kebap is excellent, with a superb halloumi wrap for vegetarians. Humbaba Falafel in Moabit serves the best falafel pitta you will ever taste. The sauces are non-negotiable here.

Make for Simon-Dach-Straße in the beating heart of East Berlin. Café Dachkammer is a personal favourite, complete with a designated indoor smoking area for the nicotine enthusiasts of the world. Go to the bar and ask for a Bananenweizen. The staff will probably look at you bemused and reply with something like, “Bist du sicher?” Respond with a firm “Ja” and savour the creamy delight that is a banana-infused wheat beer. Not for the faint of stomach, it must be said.

Before a night of techno, stop at one of Berlin’s famous late-night shops (‘Spätis’) and pick up a 20cl bottle of hard booze. Your best bets are Vodka Gorbatschow or Berliner Luft, a repulsive but classic mint-flavoured schnapps. Once consumed, it’s time to line up for Berghain, the world’s most exclusive nightclub. Leather is a must for anyone hoping to get past their famously strict door policy.

For those who don’t make it in, Lokschuppen is a good alternative and a mere fluffy handcuff’s throw from Berghain. It’s your archetypal Berlin techno club, with an outdoor section so you can escape the cigarette fumes and the stench of Berliners who haven’t showered since the fall of the Wall. 

By the time you leave, it’ll probably be about Saturday lunchtime. Soak up the alcohol with one of Berlin’s finest delicacies: the humble Currywurst. In 1949, someone decided to add curry powder to a sausage and declare it a national cuisine. It tastes better than it sounds.

You’ll fancy a nap at this point. Fight that urge. Refuel with a Club Mate, an energy drink particularly popular with East Berlin’s mulleted hipster brigade. The flavour is hard to pin down. I’d say Irn-Bru infused with hay goes some way to describing it. 

Head to Kottbusser Tor, or ‘Kotti’ as the locals affectionately call it, for a drink at Ankerklause. This nautically themed bar is one of Quentin Tarantino’s regular haunts – they also serve a solid take on ‘ze classic British fisch und chips.’

If you’re fancying a break from deep-fried food, head for dinner at Monsieur Vuong, one of Berlin’s finest Vietnamese restaurants, before finishing your night with some live music at the cosy Schokoladen. A friend once boasted about seeing Future Islands there “before they were big.” 

On your final morning, soak up some culture so you have something to tell the parents. Head to the Neue Nationalgalerie to experience some of the greats of German modern art – your Otto Dixes, your Käthe Kollwitzes, and your Ernst Ludwig Kirchners of the world. Just make sure to keep one eye on the clock. You’ll need to factor in at least two train cancellations to get back to the airport in time. 

Recommendations:

Ankerklause

Kottbusser Damm 104, Kreuzberg, 10967

Berghain

Am Wriezener Bahnhof, Friedrichshain, 10243

Café Dachkammer

Simon-Dach-Straße 39, Friedrichshain, 10245

Curry Mitte

Torstraße 122, Mitte, 10119

Humbaba Falafel

Turmstraße 85, Moabit, 10551

Lokschuppen

Mühlenstraße 25, Friedrichshain, 10243

Monsieur Vuong

Alte Schönhauser Straße, Mitte, 10119

Die Neue Nationalgalerie

Potsdamer Straße 50, Mitte, 10115

Rüyyam’s Gemüse Kebap

Hauptstraße 36, Prenzlauer Berg, 1087

Schokoladen 

Ackerstraße 165, Mitte, 10115\

Image from Wikimedia Commons