Saints Stranded

Dear reader, let's not beat around the bush, I would not cope on a desert island. Firstly, sand … no. Secondly, seaweed … smelly. And lastly, who could I gossip with? The palm tree? I would, however, sustain a pescatarian diet, having been brought up in the fishing town of Peterhead. Anyway, if I were to be stranded on a desert island, here is what I would ask The Saint gods to provide me with …

My first track would have to be Sophie Ellis Bextor’s 2001 single ‘Take Me Home’, which is perhaps a lesser-known song from the ‘Murder on the Dancefloor’ singer. A Cher cover, the song is sultry and high-camp. Furthermore, I imagine I would be bellowing the track’s title endlessly.

Taking it down a notch, I would then put the needle (assuming I have some sort of record player?) on Scottish singing legend Barbara Dickson’s ‘Answer Me’. The song, hailing from 1976, is an easy-listening gem and I don’t think I could ever get sick of Dickson’s warming vocals. 

But reader, hand me an aux and there is one song I will always add to the queue — if I’m feeling considerate and don't automatically skip, and that is ‘Spinning Around’ by the “Princess of Pop” Kylie Minogue. Pop perfection. I can picture myself endlessly boogying across those sand dunes …

My book of choice would have to be Muriel Spark’s classic, The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie. While Spark’s novel of an unorthodox Edinburgh schoolteacher is a mere 170 pages, and I may be twiddling my thumbs after I’m done, I would fill the void by quoting Maggie Smith’s portrayal of Miss Brodie in the 1969 film adaptation. 

And now a luxury item — gosh, you really are being kind to me. Undoubtedly, it would be a jam and cream scone … and the jam would almost certainly be on the bottom. You can’t argue with me, I’m stranded on a desert island!

Illustration by Ruby Pitman