Dear Sallie: Money or Merit

Dear Sallie,

My current job search is looking bleak. I’ve been rejected by PwC, KPMG, and EY, and I’m absolutely not resorting to Teach First, no matter how bad it gets.

Luckily, daddy works for Deutsche Bank and he’s offered to slip me in through the emergency exit into a nice middle management position. A couple of problems: firstly, they’ve just cut their bonus pool by 40% (how will I afford to live in Clapham and sustain my coke habit??) Secondly, I don’t want to be known as the nepo baby — much like Kylie Jenner, I want to be a self-made billionaire. So what should I do?

Money-or-Merit-Minty

Dear Minty,

Firstly, I really feel for your dire situation — your privilege is not your fault, you didn’t choose to have a dad who works for Deutsche bank. It must be so incredibly difficult (knowing that your father has no morals). Really hope you’re doing okay in this trying time. On a more serious note, I know the job market’s tough. It’s a scary world out there and when you constantly feel like you’re getting rejected, it’s difficult not to get disheartened and give up altogether — but in your case ‘giving up’ means relying on mum and dad one more time.

The way I see it, you’ve got two options. The cossie livs isn’t improving anytime soon, so you’ve got to capitalise where you can. If you can’t beat them, join them. There are plenty of St A grads who would jump at the opportunity to stroll into Deutsche Bank (reduced bonus pool aside). And, let’s be honest, you can’t absolutely bank on getting something better — those HireViews are getting tougher by the second and you can’t flirt with AI (just yet). It could be quite dreamy — your own office, probably find a banker husband (you can bond over your shared recreational activities) and I’m sure daddy will take you out for lunch once a week, on company time (we love an expense account).

But, Minty, if we’re being honest is that really a good idea. Firstly, do you even want to go into banking? Sure, the pay is good but you’re getting worked very hard for that money and you’re not changing anyone’s life. You’ve got to enjoy it to some degree to sign your life away like that. You’ve also got to take into account the fact that people will work out pretty quickly why you got the job, and they probably won’t be particularly nice about it. Do you really want all the trainees whispering “there goes Dan’s daughter” everytime you walk down a corridor. You’ll have to work at least twice as hard to get any recognition off your own bat. So maybe have a rethink about what you want your life to look like — you’re still super young and you don’t have to get your dream job straight out of uni. Who knows? Maybe Teach First might be your calling!

If all else fails, reach out to the godparents — I’m sure you’ve got one at J.P. Morgan.

All my love,

Sallie x

Illustration: Kate Lau