Not to Brag, but I've Got a Big Bag

Upsize your bag to upgrade your life

In a world marked by arbitrary divisions and categorisation, there is one binary I do consider crucial: the question of ‘Small Bag’ or ‘Big Bag’. Understanding someone’s toting habits is vital to my evaluation of our compatibility, being a large luggage advocate myself. Yet, recent trends have tried to push the ‘clutch’ and other such teeny-weeny item-holding accessories onto the average person. Just as the Lorax spoke for the trees, I am here to speak for the Big Bag; less so the bag itself, but rather the loyal companion who dons this impedimenta selflessly. They are a crucial addition to the hangout, and their sacrifice is not one to be overlooked.

In many ways, lugging around the Big Bag is a labour of love. Knowing that you have supplies to last a nuclear winter — while being thoughtfully prepared for every season and circumstance — clearly makes you the most valuable asset at any event. Is there a fresh injury at the function? Band-aids hidden away in one compartment. Sudden sore throat? Water bottle and lozenge handed your way before you even have the chance to properly cough. Do not even start me on the portable charger capabilities! Only the Big Bag friend can feel such a deep desire to selflessly provide for others. Like a guardian angel, they brace for crisis so that they may delicately swoop in (never weighed down by their colossal accoutrement) and immediately ease tensions and conflict. 

To those of you arguing that no one needs to carry all that stuff around, I firstly look down upon your refusal to help others. Yet, I also offer you this question to ponder: Are we not descended from hunter-gatherers? Is the Big Bag not an epigenetic phenomenon made to appease our instinct to covet knick-knacks? Yes, I do carry around tissues, paracetamol, and an umbrella, but the power of the Big Bag also allows me to bring my ticket to the Franz Kafka museum — and a pack of Formula One trading cards —  with me everywhere. That hoarding capacity is unrivaled, I tell you. 

Who hasn’t wasted at least an hour of their lives watching a ‘What's in my bag’ video? We all know the most interesting ones derive from the largest reticule! Think Anya Taylor Joy or Ariana Grande: people who carry the most impractical things in the largest accessories you’ve ever seen. There are stories hidden within these hefty totes that go unseen, tucked away in zippers and pouches. You see a Big Bag making its way down the street and think: “Just what could be in such a capacious purse?” I see such a spectacle and grin, knowing that its secrets are waiting to be handed out to the right people. 

I feel compelled to add that large luggage is not distinctly gendered. Its call can beckon to all, yet not all are brave enough to shoulder the burden. I have a male friend who, on the nights out of our younger years, would haul around a humongous backpack filled with various spirits and mixers to sustain the student body. A mobile bar of sorts, if you will. His willingness to freight these libations around town throughout the night made him greatly beloved. Yet it raises the question: if he didn’t, would anyone else have made the sacrifice? The answer is: probably not — but why? What is it about the Big Bag that intimidates? 

The accessory does not have to be bulky either, it can remain sleek despite its mass of contents. Backpack, handbag, crossbody messenger, even a shopping bag — your options for expanding your holding capabilities are wide and varied. 

The time comes for you to consider your place in this world. As the Lorax says, “A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean.” As you walk the streets, look around and take note of those who have embraced the liberating lifestyle which comes with Big Bags. Only you can make the call to join them. 

Illustration by Magdalena Yiacoumi