Free or French

Vive le Québec libre?

Following the mania provoked by US President Donald Trump around a potential annexation of Canada, veteran French polemicist, Jean-Luc Mélenchon, recently posted to X: “10 February 1763, the anniversary of the calamitous surrender of Quebec to the English. If Trump annexes Canada, that cannot include Quebec. Obviously.” The message here is unclear: is Mélenchon heralding a future in which Québec finally becomes free, or French? It could well be that three-time presidential failure Mélenchon is projecting a reality in which a possible 2026 secession-turned-French colony of a left-leaning Quebec happens just in time to get his party the votes to win the 2027 French presidential election. 

Though it’s been 30 years since the last sovereignty referendum, debates on the topic — especially among the young — remain as pertinent as ever. A quick glance at voting polls at the last federal election shows that 32 per cent of Quebecers voted for the sovereignist Bloc Québécois, only one percentage point less than the victorious Liberal Party. 

Surprisingly, though doubtless the result of some Ottawa-sponsored censorship, national polls haven’t yet considered the question of joining France, and official statistics regarding its popularity aren’t available. Regardless, I have a sneaking suspicion that such a hope does, in fact, lie at the fact of the sovereignist movement, and it’s time we consider it as the viable option it is. After all, we share a common heritage, speak the same language (kind of) — why should an ocean get in the way of what is one nation? If the Quebecers insist on calling themselves ‘French’, let them be French. 

But, what would a French Quebec even look like today? If we’ve learned anything from French political discourse in recent years, it’s that the word of the hour is integration. Diversity isn’t a term that’s made its way into the French language quite yet, and a quick look at history books suggests that one more overseas “territory” likely won’t change that. So here is the most likely course of events, in my view, inexorably leading Quebec into joining France.

As Trump withdraws from the Paris Agreement (again), millions cheer, gathering throughout the country to celebrate the policy with a fossil-fuel-burning sacrifice. As methane ascends to the Heavens, a warm, grey cloud looms over Canada, piercing through the ozone layer. The home of snowmen and ice rinks quickly melts under an overcast skyline, transforming it into the murky continental climate of Northern France we all cherish. With a little luck, the excess pollution might slip into the Québécois’ breathing patterns, causing just enough damage to their vocal cords to make them intelligible to their continental cousins, while giving them the signature raspy French voice.

With the end of the limitless USMCA potato supply, following the latest battery of American tariffs, the greatly feared poutine famine would strike, forcing a much-needed culinary redirection of Quebec towards wine, cheese, and hunger-stifling tobacco smoking. Who does the barren land now have to turn to for inspiration and trade, but their estranged brothers on the European continent? The remaining points in need of rectifying are much less contentious: why have maple syrup if you can have butter, hockey isn’t real anyway, etc. 

Hopefully, all these adjustments will harden them up, causing them to garner just enough bitterness, disdain, and feelings of superiority for them to truly become French. 

Modesty compels me to consider that, perhaps, my infallible instincts are wrong and the sovereignist movement actually wants sovereignty. In that case, I would happily support any efforts towards an extraction from the Anglosphere. My poor cousins, you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Image from Wikimedia Commons