Fashion Tips for the Frightening
St Andrews Themed Halloween Costumes
St Andrews has sunk her claws into almost every aspect of our personalities already, why not our Halloween costumes as well? With All Hallow’s Eve approaching wickedly quick and coursework deadlines turning us into academic zombies, purge the St Andrews skeletons from your closet, and make room for some locally inspired Halloween costumes. I present you, dear reader, with costumes for your upcoming parties, seances, and coven meetings on Castle Sands (while you sip your hell-broth, a charm of powerful trouble) that truly represent your St Andrews pride.
First of all, dust off that red gown that you bought as a bright-eyed first year, swearing you would proudly don every Sunday. Now is the time to let your regretful investment billow majestically in the autumn breeze! Simply pair it with some terrifying fake fangs, dark makeup around the eyes, and an aversion to Shawarma’s garlic sauce. You are now a vicious student vampire, cursed to walk the pier and look moody as you listen to Phoebe Bridgers.
Next, grab an old school tie, white shirt, and a relish for chaos to live out your Madras College dreams. I’m thinking more of The Catherine Tate Show’s Lauren Cooper rather than Britney Spears’ get up in the “Baby One More Time” video. Tip: try attacking student cyclists on their way home to DRA to really get into character.
Now, here’s an easy one for you: snatch all the uni merch money can buy (the baseball cap is essential), any kind of vest (channel your inner JP Morgan intern), and a complete inability to handle alcohol. You are now an American fresher at the Union! What a wonderful way to put yourself into the shoes of St Andrew’s most marginalised group.
Next, one for the hardcore Main Library enthusiasts among us to show where their true loyalties lie: get crafty with some red mittens and a blue suit, I also suggest slapping on some fried eggs for good measure (they will come in handy as a drunk snack later on). And there you have it! You are the Lobster. Remember to haunt those with overdue books.
A lazy one for you: get your hands on a set of those comically large rings of keys, carry a woefully incomplete inventory report, and adopt a sadistic avariciousness like no other. You are now a St Andrews landlord! Some tips on how to really get into character: get flirty, tease some students with promises of a nice warm bed and a roof over their head, then play hard to get (you’ve got to make them want it), and finally just disappear—into the night, jangling your keys and cackling under a moon as full as your pockets!
A costume for the St Andrews historian: Patrick Hamilton, the Scottish churchman and early protestant reformer who was famously burned at the stake in St Andrews outside the entrance to St Salvator’s Quad (the spot is marked with a monogram of his initials set into the cobblestones of the pavement of North Street). To recreate the martyr’s outfit, I recommend a giant ruff collar, paired with a suitably sombre black outfit and a lovely fake beard. Just don’t let anyone step on you.
Finally, for those of you finding your fisherman knits a little bit too itchy—just take them off! Dress up (or rather don’t) as a May dipper, streak to proudly admit guilt of all your delicious academic sins. Get yourself dunked in the waters of East Sands before attending any Halloween events to truly get that sexy wet-look hairdo, just like Kim K. Some will call this idea inappropriate, I call it chilling—in all senses!
Halloween is a time to convene with the spirits, decide between looking scary scary or scary hot, and end the night head down in a bucket (dooking for apples, of course). I believe that with my costume tips you will be able to fulfil all three. Go forth into the season of the witch, now fully equipped to clad yourself in a get up that will both show off your academic roots and terrify your peers.
Illustration: Lauren McAndrew