Ditching the 'Big Fish' Mentality

If you stare at a fish tank in a dentist’s office long enough, you’ll realise something strange: the fish aren’t freaking out. They’re not sizing each other up or fighting to be the star of the tank. One’s lazily orbiting a fake coral reef, another has wedged itself behind a decorative pirate ship, and there’s always that one lying suspiciously still, toeing the line between nap and obituary. Point is, none of them are stressing about being the ‘biggest’ fish. Somehow, though, they’re all doing just fine.

The ‘big fish, small pond’ idiom is a weird one if you think about it. It’s one of those phrases that your uncle tosses around like it’s deeply wise, but the more I heard it growing up, the more I started to wonder: why is just being a fish not enough, why must we be the biggest one, splashing around in a big puddle of inflated superiority?

In high school, I was told that going to a big-name university would make me a “small fish in a big pond” — as though that was something to be feared. But maybe being surrounded by other capable and brilliant fish isn’t the end of the world. 

We’ve been conditioned to dread spaces where we’re not in the top one per cent. The horror of not being the most talked-about fish is so deeply ingrained that people will happily shrink their environments only to feel like they’re at the top. 

This mindset follows us everywhere. People deliberately choose jobs, schools, and opportunities where they can feel superior, where they can post about their ‘impact’ on LinkedIn without silently sweating that someone in the comments is curing cancer. We chase titles, accolades, follower counts — all to prove we’re not just swimming, we’re dominating.

Here’s the thing: I’m starting to question why that’s so important. The desire to be the biggest, the loudest, the most ‘impressive’ doesn’t really feel all that appealing anymore. Lately, I’ve been growing to be more happy with a radical idea: what if I’m just… a fish?

Apparently, this is a controversial notion. In the world of productivity culture, mediocrity is a crime. You can’t just ‘swim’, you have to be constantly listening to self-help podcasts hosted by 28-year-olds who call themselves ‘founders’, reading The Daily Stoic unironically, and pretending you’ve never watched an episode of Modern Family because your screen time only goes towards ‘curated, educational content’.

Now, reader, this isn’t to imply that someone who isn’t a big fish is lazy or unmotivated. Honestly, it’s not even a question of ambition at all. It’s about rejecting the exhausting idea that our worth only exists in contrast to other people’s lack. I don’t want to enter every room hoping I’m the smartest or most polished. Smartest in the room? Time to find a new room.

The Stanford Duck Syndrome is a perfect example of the ‘big fish, small pond’ mentality. A friend of mine who goes to Stanford explained it to me: it’s this unspoken rule that students are expected to glide through everything, appearing calm and effortless, while underneath, they’re paddling like hell to stay afloat. It’s the same thing we all do. It’s the ‘big fish’ mindset at play, where we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others in the pond, trying to see who’s the most composed. Perhaps we need to stop comparing ourselves to other ducks in the pond, constantly checking if we’re the most composed one, and start embracing the awkward, messy paddling because at least it’s honest.

I think about the dentist fish tank again. They’re not caught up in the next big thing or sizing up the others around them. Yes, they’re just fish, but it’s still a decent metaphor. There’s no comparison, no pageant, no pond politics. Maybe the key is to stop comparing ourselves to everyone else and start appreciating that we’re in the tank at all. 

Winning at fishhood doesn’t actually seem worth it. I don’t want to live in a pond just small enough to make me feel superior to others. I’d rather swim in an ocean, surrounded by fish who are more focused on the swim than the show.

Image from Wikimedia Commons