Dear Sallie: I've Got The Ick

All your life’s questions answered by Sallie, The Saint’s delightfully mysterious Agony Aunt. Submit your questions anonymously to Sallie on our Instagram or our website!

Dear Sallie,

I’ve got a big problem. Things were going well with the boy I’ve been sleeping with since last semester, until last week. I used to think he was the best looking boy I’ve ever laid eyes on and was thinking about taking things to the next level. Then, he fell up the stairs in the union at Sinners and by 11:30pm I saw him jumping up and down in 601. It’s keeping me up at night — how could anyone do that sober? — and I’ve got the ick. BADLY. Any advice?

Yours sincerely,

Soon-to-be-Single-Suzie

Dear Suzie,

First of all, we’ve all been there. Whether it’s running for the bus, chasing after a ping pong ball or keeping only their socks on, everyone has something that just turns them off. The way I see it, you’ve got two options here: find a way to banish this image from your brain forever, or sack it all off and find someone less clumsy. Here’s the deciding factor, is he really worth it?

Let’s be honest, the dating pool in St Andrews is a rather shallow one, and there’s no guarantee that you’ll stumble upon your Prince Charming any time soon. So, here’s some questions you should ask yourself before making a potentially life-changing choice. 1) Is he really that good looking? If you’ve ever found yourself saying “I promise he’s fitter in person” while showing off his insta - that’s strike number one. Yes, we can’t all look our best 24/7, but out of 32 posts, there should be at least 2 that are slightly representative. Your friends aren’t deluded, they’re just playing along while you try and convince yourself.

2) Does he pay you the attention you deserve? By attention, I don’t mean a “U up x” text at 2:13am, I’m talking cooking you a semi-edible meal AT LEAST once, or making the effort to see you when it’s still light outside. Suzie, come on, we’re setting him a low bar (hopefully he won’t trip over it).

3) Have you met his mates? If he’s too embarrassed to make an introduction he clearly doesn’t see this going anywhere, you’re better off dumping him before he dumps you. If he’s not up for taking you for a pint with Jack and Harry, he won’t be asking his best mate Bertie to deliver a best man speech any time soon.

If the answer to any of the above is no, this relationship is clearly doomed. The occasional ick is no bad thing (can’t be getting too obsessed) but too early and too often is never a good sign. If, on the other hand, the answer to all three was yes, maybe the relationship’s salvageable. You need to get yourself over this ASAP, because after all, there probably isn’t a back up. Start only frequenting places with lifts, and begin searching for a bungalow for next year. NOW. I’d even say you should think about living together as there aren’t that many ground floor flats in St Andrews and nobody gets that lucky (haven’t you heard there’s a housing crisis).

Best of luck and all my love, Sallie x

Illustration: Kate Lau