• Sallie

Dear Sallie...

All your life’s questions answered by Sallie, The Saint’s delightfully mysterious Agony Aunt. Submit your questions anonymously to Sallie on our Instagram or our website!

Dear Sallie,


I keep submitting Crushes about myself, but none of my friends ever tag me in them! Am I truly that unmemorable, or do my friends just secretly hate me?


Sincerely,

UnTaggable


Dear UnTaggable,


“Do my friends secretly hate me?” is a question everyone has asked at least once in their lifetimes. But for them, and very likely you, the answer is almost always a resounding no. Pure hatred, my dear UnTaggable, is a fairly uncommon emotion in our day and age. Your friends, at worst, possess only a moderate amount of dislike for you; at best, your carefully written Crush simply passed by them unnoticed.


I understand all too well what it’s like to shout into that void and not have even the void shout back. To help you in your quest towards that elusive Crushes fame, here are some of my suggestions:


  1. Not everyone is trolling the various St Andrews anonymous sites all day. Most well-adjusted people don’t troll them at all. Could it be that your friends live such healthy lives that they don’t even see your targeted submissions?

  2. Are your Crushes specific enough? A lot of people have the same initials! Authors of self-crushes (which I am, of course, not one!) are usually desperately afraid of giving themselves away, resulting in ludicrously vague, nigh-unidentifiable Crushes. To help your friends out, who I’m sure are all simply dying to tag you in a Crush, perhaps you can go as far as adding pithy tidbits about your appearance: hair or eye colour, degree, or year...

  3. You could always try submitting a Crush that includes these wayward friends of yours! People go on Crushes to find the posts about themselves, so your friends will be more likely to recognise themselves in the post, then you, in turn.


However, in my advice to you, I fear we have not addressed the terrible elephant in the room: you keep submitting Crushes about yourself! Perhaps the true villain here is your desire to become Crushes-famous, instead of aspiring towards BNOC status in the real world. Just because your friends aren’t tagging you on a silly Facebook page doesn’t mean they don’t notice or care about you! Have you considered flirting your way through the town? I bet you’d get tagged in loads of Crushes then (and you don’t even have to write them!).


All my love,

Sallie


Illustration: Kate Lau

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