Potential rectorial candidates (sort of)


King Richard III

Recently found buried under a car-park in Leicester, this vanquished king has been out of action for the last half-millennium. The University of St Andrews Rectorial position seems to the perfect platform for the forgotten monarch to reintroduce himself to the British public and begin his long journey back to the top of the political hierarchy. And it’ll be nice to have some royalty associated with the university…

Julian Assange

Getting Assange as our Rector will definitely outdo Glasgow’s effort since everyone knows Edward Snowden is just a poor man’s Assange. Holed up in the Ecuadorian embassy for the last few years, he’s hardly got much else going on for him at the moment anyway.  Although convincing him to come do the Procession might be a bit tricky.

Renee Zellweger

We could just get anyone to run and say it’s Renee Zellweger and no one would be able to contest it.

Phil Spector

The prolific music-producer turned murderer is no doubt a terrible, terrible person. Then again, Phil Spector St Andrews Rector kind of has a good ring to it doesn’t it?

Patrick Hamilton

Given that he was burned at the stake, making him a posthumous Rector is probably the least this town could do for him.

The Cast of Ghostbusters

Why just go for Bill Murray when you can get Dan Aykroyd too? Not to mention the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man who apparently has some very promising views about Union development and scholarship schemes.

Kim-Jong Un

To be honest Rector of the University of St Andrews is probably already on his list of accolades and achievements so might as well just give it to him anyway.

Alistair Moffat

Currently the St Andrews Rector, he’s the only one on this list with some actual experience in the job. And he wasn’t that bad first time around was he? Or was he? Does anyone even know what the Rector does?


Yes you. Literally anyone will do at this point.


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